I was going to expand this series- I was thinking of all the things I could touch on going forward that might be helpful or make others struggling with infertility feel less alone or feel seen.

Then I realized what a bold concept that is- and that I badly needed to get over myself; what will make a woman suffering from this stupidly bespoke, rude, life-altering disease (and please, naysayers, it is a disease and deserves to be acknowledged as such) is as personal as the disease itself.

I should know that better than anybody.

Chrissy Teigen’s honesty and her willingness to share the good, the beautiful, and the heinously ugly aspects of fertility issues and infant loss are what made me feel less alone; the infertility and me podcast; the IVF community on Instagram.

Even with that relief, some days, like today, I still feel alone. Isolated. Like I don’t know how I can keep going forward when nothing seems to work and how I can keep going forward if we stop trying to do things the way we have been because the truth is, I have been at my secondary infertility journey a long time and it is now my normal.

Letting it go would be freeing and terrifying all at once.

I do know how many stupid, mollifying statements I have had thrown at me in the last few years; I could write a book on that alone, and I am just one person.

But I won’t.

So, the biggest fertility myth seems to be that the woman trying to get pregnant month after month, year after year is somehow responsible- the deeper unstated myth is that it never crossed their mind that it could be true.

But it isn’t.

Super-Sucky Fertility Myth #4;

This is somehow your fault.

Ladies, we are not in control of this journey; there are elements we can control and there are a million other tiny little aspects that we cannot; the only thing we can do in these sometimes endless seasons of waiting is what we can do, what our doctors tell us to do, and the rest is wholly out of our control.

So don’t blame yourself. You’re doing everything you can and the moments where the subclinical progesterone, or the anovulatory cycle, or the insufficient lining get to win the battle, know that they won’t win the war.

You will.

You will just figure out what battleground is best for your heart and your well-being, which one stands to have the most likelihood of victory for you, and go kick this disease right in it’s filthy, whorish box. It has more than asked for it.

In the meantime, no candy ass person who hasn’t been through your trials and your losses, who hasn’t sat on the floor with you crying over a negative test or a negative OPK (ovulation predictor kit for you noobs) deserves to have an opinion on what you’re going through or how you choose to make your heart whole from the way the universe has tried so hard to break it, and you.

In the words of the incredible Brene Brown, “If a person isn’t in the arena with me, regularly getting their ass kicked, I am just not interested in their feedback”.

Amen, sister.

May we all be a little more like Brene.

Until Next Time,

The Chick and Her Chickadee